I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
