i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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