Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How does one acquire holy water?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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