porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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