someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
