I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
