so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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