I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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