I want to stick my p in your. b.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
