I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
