God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
