Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
