Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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