Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
