Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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