I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
