put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
