I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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