its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
