Cold hands, warm shart.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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