Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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