i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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