I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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