do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize