Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My bed smells like the plague
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