Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
