he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
