did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
