I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize