had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
