I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
