dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
babies were throwing up all over the place
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
