I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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