if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize