I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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