ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
