All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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