We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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