we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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