so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize