so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
