I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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