why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
