Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
