you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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