I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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