I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
