and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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