How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize