i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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