god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
