Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
