So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
