Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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