Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize