VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
