I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
