You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
