Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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