If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
