Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
