i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You were trust falling into bushes
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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