Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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