it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
