okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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