i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
