theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
