Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
