who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
