How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
