whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
