Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
