Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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