Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
