You kept calling me your small dog last night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
