I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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