My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize