Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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