Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
