if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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