Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
3pm strippers are depressing
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
