I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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