Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
