bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
