I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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