Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
