I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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