white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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