i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize