i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
