Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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