Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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