During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
