billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Still dying that you shit outside
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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