3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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