the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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