Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
