Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
