I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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