I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
