Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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